I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
