my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
