I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
