the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
