okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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