no, he came in my armpit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
