HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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