drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
