how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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