She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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