So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
