just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
