Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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