that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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