i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
