I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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