my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
