If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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