do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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