you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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