my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
