last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
