clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
