fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
