what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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