my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He passed out mid-signature
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
