SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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