Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize