Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
