Im at strip club and am horny
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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