That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
two words: eviction party
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
