He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
