Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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