If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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