I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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