i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Alive.
So much puke
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
