All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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