I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
