Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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