If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
