It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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