It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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