did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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