U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
