I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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