stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
