I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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