I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
