First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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