some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize