Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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