I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
