My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
