my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
MIDGETS
????
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
