you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
