He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
