Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
