dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize