Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
