This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
