Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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