I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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