If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize