Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
