i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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