How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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