Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
