do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize