After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you have to choose: penises or morals?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
