I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
