You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
