My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
