I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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