im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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