and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
