Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
