they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize