It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
