Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
