More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
